Where to next?
by Lastelle
Summary: Andrew and Xander get sucked into different dimensions! Yay! I hope everyone gets the references! R&R!
1. Infiltrating a Government Facility

hey! this is just something I thought of off the top of my head. you may recognize a few of the references at the end of this, remember that list, it is important for the developpement of this story. Yes, there is a plot, even if it seems unlikely. hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this except the ideas. heck, I don't even own the really good quotes.

* * *

"Andrew!" Xander yelled, "Get away from the million-dollar equipment."

Andrew jumped away from the large console he was playing around with, looking really guilty, "Sorry," he said, looking like a little kid who had been caught with a hand in the cookie jar.

"Just sit over there and remember: Don't. Touch. Anything," Xander said, stressing the last three words until they each became their own mini-sentences. Andrew sat where Xander had pointed and proceeded to pout, again like a little kid.

Andrew leaned against a different console that he had sat next to. Xander was looking through ancient texts. He was looking for anything that said something about the Slayer. Supposedly there was a prophecy in this government facility that was about the Slayer. Andrew was half tempted to just grab all of them and go, but Xander said that it would make the people who owned this stuff that they had been robbed. Also, most of it would be about stuff that had already happened. For example: the Slayer that died twice before death. That Slayer was Buffy. She had died twice and she still wasn't really _dead_ yet. Or: a Hellmouth destroyed. Been there, done that, don't want to go back for the sequel.

As Andrew rested his arm on the console, he inadvertently touched a button. He quickly took his arm off the console, hoping Xander wouldn't notice. Not that there was much hope for that. Even with one eye missing, Xander would still be able to hear the rush of air as a portal opened above Andrew's head. Andrew looked up and saw a giant eagle flying, a spaceship that looked a lot like the Enterprise from Star Trek, a man wearing a Darth Vader costume, a joust with medieval knights, a young dragon attempting a landing, Arnold Schwarzenegger firing a really big gun at police officers and finally, a younger Buffy talking with Giles in Giles' old apartment. As Andrew watched all this flash by, Xander ran at him, trying to knock him away before he was sucked into the portal, before the were both sucked into the portal, Xander still holding the stack of papers.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed that! sorry it was so short, but it was just to get them through the portal. Also, this is a prologue, even though prologues are often pointless and the same goes for epilogues (the worst one is at the end of City of Glass in the Mortal Instruments sereis!), this story WONT have an epilogue, but i hope you enjoyed the prologue, at least half as much as I enjoyed writing it!


	2. Infiltrating Isengard

Merry woke up at the sound of a groan that seemed to come from under him. He looked beside him to see Pippin drinking water from a stone bowl. Merry stood up and looked around for Treebeard.

"Hello?" he called, "Treebeard? Where has he gone?"

From behind him, Pippin said, "I had the loveliest dream last night. There was the large barrel, full of pipe-weed. And we smoked all of it. And then you were sick. I'd give anything for a whiff of Old Toby."

Merry had to agree with him. The two of them remembered the pipe-weed they had smoked back at the Shire. It had truly been the best of all the pipe-weed in Middle Earth. Nothing could beat it. A groan sounded from somewhere nearby.

"Did you hear that?" Merry asked, remembering what had woken him up, "There it is again. Something's not right here. Not right at all."

Pippin didn't seemed worried and stretched, in doing so, he croaked out a burp that sounded very much like something in the Ent-ish language.

"You just said something . . ." Merry couldn't think of a way to describe it, "treeish," he finished.

"No I didn't," Pippin said, "I was just stretching," having said that, he stretched some more and said another treeish word. As Merry watched, Pippin grew at least and inch taller.

"You're taller!" Merry exclaimed.

"Who?"

"You!"

"Than what?"

"Than me!"

Pippin smiled, "I've always been taller than you."

"Pippin," Merry said, "Everyone knows, you're the short one. I'm the tall one."

"Please Merry," Pippin said, "You're maybe what? Three-foot-six? Whereas me, I'm going on three-seven," he grew some more, "Three-eight."

"Three-foot-eight?" someone asked from beside them, "I thought he said three-foot-nine. I must be remembering wrong."

The two turned to see two Men, one taller than the other. The tall one was dark haired, like Aragorn, while the others hair was lighter in colour, though not nearly as light as that of Legolas.

"No," Andrew said, "Pippin said, Three-eight. I'm sure of it. Just as sure as I am that Legolas is an elf and Aragorn is the rightful heir of Gondor."

"Great," Xander grumbled, "You stop talking about Star Wars for one second to start talking about Lord of the Rings. Just great."

Pippin and Merry looked at each other, and started yelling, "Treebeard! Treebeard! Help!"

From behind the two Men, came the Ent, "What is it, little orcs?"

"Oh my God," Andrew said, "It's Treebeard! The Ent!"

"No," Xander said sarcastically, "Whatever gave you that impression?"

"Who are you?" asked Treebeard.

"I'm Andrew and this is Xander!" Andrew called up to the Ent, "Are you really an Ent?"  
"Of course I am," answered Treebeard slowly, as he said all things, "You do not looks like orcs. What are you, then?"

"We're Men," Andrew asked as Xander gave a snort.

"Men?" asked the Ent, "There have not been Men in this forest for a long, long time," he seemed to slow down as he reached the end of the sentence.

"That's the thing," Andrew said, "The only reason we're even in Middle Earth is because of a portal."

"Andrew," Xander said warningly.

"In fact," Andrew continued, not having heard Xander's warning, "Now that we're here we'd like to stay. Could we watch the March of the Ents?"

"Andrew!" Xander yelled, "Stop talking to the tree and help me with this demon language!"

Andre went over to where Xander was studying the manuscript. It had changed from the Gaelic it had been on Earth into a scrolling language that Andrew recognized at once.

"It's the language of Mordor!" he exclaimed, "It's the language that was on the One Ring. You know, the Ring of Power. That Frodo took to the fires of Mount Doom."

"Yeah, and they could've all flown there on the Eagles, Boromir and Gandalf wouldn't have died, and the Ents could've just kept sleeping. Just read it," Xander snapped.

"Well," Andrew said, "I'm not fluent, but I think it's the inscription that was actually on the One Ring. 'One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them', but that's the part at the end. I don't know the stuff at the beginning."

Andrew grabbed the manuscript and looked through it, "Okay, okay," he said, "I think this word here is 'three', and then the word after that looks like 'ring' only it has a letter added at the end. It might be 'rings.' That would be the three rings given to the Elves. The next line starts with 'seven', so that might be talking about the seven rings given to the Dwarves. The third line has the word 'Men' in it, and the word 'die' at the end. That might be the rings given to Men. 'Cause they all died. Here in the fourth line is the word 'darkness' only without an ending part. Probably the 'ness', so that would be 'dark'. And here it is again. Maybe the 'Dark Lord'. Oh! I know that one! It's the One Ring that Sauron made for himself. I think this is a prophecy about the Rings! Three rings for the Elves, seven for the Dwarves, nine for Men and the one ring for Sauron."

"Well that's great you've figured _that_ out," Xander said, "Why is it on a former Gaelic inscription?"

"It might be that the portal changed the prophecy," Andrew said, "In our world, it's in Gaelic. In Middle Earth, it's in the language of Mordor. Maybe in other worlds, it's in different languages. Maybe the prophecy on here is the biggest thing that happens in any world we're in."

"That would mean it might be about Buffy," Xander said, "We have to figure out how to get back," he looked up, "Where are the Hobbits?"

Andrew looked up from the manuscript, "They've probably gone to the meeting of the Ents. If we want to meet up with them, we should go to Isengard. 'Cause after the meeting, that's where they go."

"Right," Xander said, "But maybe we should figure out a way to get out of here? Maybe Gandalf will know."

"But Gandalf will be at Isengard in a few days with Merry and Pippin and Treebeard and Aragorn and Legolas and –"

"Shut up about the characters!" Xander interrupted, "This is serious!"

"Sorry," Andrew said automatically. Ever since Xander had lost his eye, he had become a lot less nerdy. Maybe it was the strain of working with the huge Slayer army. Hmm.

Xander sighed, "Do you know where Isengard is located?"

"Well," Andrew said, "I think it's south from where Treebeard and Merry and Pippin are, but I don't know about from here."

"How far could they have gone?" Xander asked rhetorically, "South it is, then."

They had reached the edge of the forest. Here they found many burned and cut trees. Andrew looked at them sadly, "Many of these trees were Treebeard's friends. Saruman should know better."

"Stop quoting and get going," Xander said, "Come on, we still have to get there and wait for Treebeard, Merry and Pippin," he paused for a moment, "I can't believe I just said that."

"Wait," Andrew said, "That whole 'closer to danger, farther from harm' thing Pippin said was just to get the Ents to go to war. It's really just bullpoop."

"So?"

"Down there is one of the most evil wizards in the history of Middle Earth," Andrew said, "He makes Evil Willow look like Pippin."

"So you're scared," Xander stated.

Andrew hesitated. He didn't want to appear fearful, "Well, I'm just saying that maybe we should wait here for Treebeard to call the Ents to war."

Xander sighed. As much as he hated to admit it, the nerd did have a point. He looked around. It was dark already, so maybe the Ents would be there soon. Just as he was thinking that, Treebeard came out of the forest.

"Many of these trees were my friends," Treebeard said, repeating what Andrew had just said, "Creatures I had known from nut and acorn."

Pippin, who was riding high up on Treebeard said, "I'm sorry, Treebeard."

"They had voices of their own," Treebeard continued. He looked at Isengard, "Saruman! A wizard should know better!"

Andrew and Xander creeped over to where the giant Ent was, grabbing onto Treebeard, who was too distraught to notice them. The Ent let out a cry that seemed to shake the entire forest. The trees instantly started moving, in a direction that Andrew knew was the direction of the battle between orcs and Rohan. The Hobbits didn't know as such, and asked where the trees were going.

"They have business with the orcs," Treebeard said shortly, "My business is with Isengard tonight. With rock and stone."

The Ents came out of the forest behind them.

"Yes!" Merry exclaimed.

Treebeard let out an Entish word, "Come my friends," he said, "The Ents are going to war. It is likely that we are going to our doom. The last march of the Ents."

This was about the time when in the movie, the audience would see Frodo and Sam and Gollum, but Andrew and Xander were not transported there. Good thing too. There was fighting going on there. Not that there wouldn't be here soon.

One of the Ents behind them, scooped up Andrew and Xander as the Ents began their march. The two men just let themselves be carried. It wasn't like they had much of a choice. The Ent obviously thought that they were with the Hobbits, which was just fine with them.

When they reached Isengard, the Ent put them down as it went over to a large dam and helped other Ents push it over. Andrew and Xander jumped onto Treebeard and hid from Pippin and Merry. This was working great until Pippin and Merry jumped them and tackled them to the ground. No matter what anyone said, those Hobbits were _strong_.

"What are you doing here?" Merry demanded.

"And why are you following us?" Pippin added.

"We need to speak with Gandalf!" Andrew squeaked as Merry and Pippin pulled out their daggers, almost as an afterthought.

"How do you know Gandalf?" Merry asked.

Andrew was about to say something, and from the look on his face, Xander guessed he was about to start singing Gandalf's praises, which probably wasn't needed right then, "He kind of famous from where we come," Xander said quickly, which was true enough. Sure, Gandalf was _fictional_ where they came from, but who really needed to know all the details anyway, besides, it would just freak out the Hobbits, and two freaked out miniature people with daggers _wasn't_ a good idea.

"Yeah!" Andrew agreed, "you know, for the whole thing with Frodo and the Ring."

The Hobbits looked at each other, now really freaked out. Xander could have _killed_ Andrew for that.

"What do you know about the Ring?" Pippin demanded, his dagger now at Andrew's throat, "Do you work for Sauron?"  
"Way to not give away our side, Pip," Merry said sarcastically. Xander knew how he felt. Merry dealt with Pippin and Xander dealt with Andrew. Only Merry didn't have to listen to Pippin go on and on and on about Star Wars.

"No!" Andrew squeaked. He was really very good for that, "We're the good guys! We help the Slayers and translate texts from demon languages. We even helped save the world once!"

"No, _you_ helped save the world _once_," Xander said, "_I've _helped save the world a few more times than you have."

"Yeah," Andrew argued, "Well, what about the Mayor? He was evil, wasn't he? He turned into a big snake and everything."

"You weren't even there," Xander insisted, "Jonathan just told you about it."  
"No," Andrew said, then softer, "Warren did."

Xander sighed, "Great, so you believe the guy who was almost responsible for the world blowing up over the guy you killed that again, almost made the world blow up," he realized how crazy that sounded, "Why are you even on our team?"

"I was on a mission of redemption," Andrew said, Xander knew the routine off by heart, "I was evil but now I'm good. Like Darth Vader. Only backwards."

"Could you maybe stop talking about Star Wars for one second?" Xander demanded.

"Hey! Merry!" Pippin called. He had left while Xander and Andrew had been fighting, "Look in here!"

Merry called back, "Get back over here and help, Pippin!"

"Oh, sorry," Pippin ran back through the water that had accumulated from the dam being broken, "Did they start talking about something interesting?"

"We don't work for Sauron," Xander said, standing up out of the water that was now waist-high for the Hobbits, "We want to talk to Gandalf. He'll be here in a couple of days."

"Can we go back to the food I found then?" Pippin asked. Merry perked up at that, "Food?"

"There's all this food coming from this room, and it's filled with stuff," Pippin ran there, Merry and Andrew following. Xander walked behind them. Pippin opened a barrel, and pulled out some dried leaves, "Pipe-weed!"

Pippin and Merry proceeded to stuff themselves with food and smoked the pipe-weed, which gave Andrew a greenish look to his face, when he got blasted in the face with a smoke ring. Fortunately, for once, he wasn't talking or whining or making any noise at all, except one that sounded like he was going to barf. Xander hoped that if he was, he would do it away from the water, or else eventually, they were all going to be standing in Andrew's barf.

A few days after the fight at Isengard, Xander heard Treebeard's voice, "Hello, young Master Gandalf."

Xander could have laughed. Gandalf? Young? In what century?

"That's Gandalf!" Andrew said, running into the room Xander was in, "Come on!"

Xander wasn't entirely convinced that Andrew wanted to meet Gandalf because he wanted to get home. Andrew probably just wanted to meet Gandalf. End of story. Xander followed Andrew to find Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Pippin and Merry.

"Greetings, Andrew and Alexander," Gandalf said when the two found their way to the front of the castle, "I hear that you require my assistance. I trust you did not venture into the tower."

"No, sir," Xander said, "It won't let us. I mean, maybe Willow could get in there, but we just don't have that kind of magic at our disposal."

"Willow?" Gimli asked, suspicious, "I don't see how a tree has anything with this."

"The Sorceress Willow the Red," Andrew said, talking like the people of Middle Earth,"Named thus for her red hair. Where we come from, Willow is the most powerful magic-wielder alive. She could give Saruman a run for his money while she was magically destroying Sauron's tower in Mordor from miles away."

"Speaking of where we come from," Xander said, "We'd really like to get back there. We know that you're the go-to-guy when it comes to magic. Or really anything around here, but the thing is, we're from another dimension and we'd really like to get back there."

"I understand," Gandalf said, "_Reddamur Terris_!"

A portal opened up above Xander and Andrew's heads. Andrew managed to yell out, "Thanks, Gandalf! I can't wait until Willow goes speechless when we tell her we met you!"


End file.
